Parenting Your Child in Recovery - Young Adults in Recovery

James Moffitt (00:01.183)
Hello and welcome back to ABC's Parenting Adult Children. I'm your host, James Moffitt. This is the podcast where we explore the joys and challenges of parenting our grownup kids with wisdom, patience, and a little bit of humor. Today I'm joined by Richard Jones of Second Starts Recovery. Hey Richard, how are you doing?

Richard Jones (00:18.44)
How you doing, Jim? Good to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

James Moffitt (00:20.755)
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for being here. Please introduce yourself to the listening audience.

Richard Jones (00:24.916)
Okay, my name is Richard Jones, RN, story behind that too, but I'm just a guy who wants to see and help families with young adults in trouble, make it easier on them and give them some alternate routes. just a country RN who's doing that, who I just actually officially retired this week, I just won't let you know that. So I've been...

James Moffitt (00:51.034)
wow. Good for you.

Richard Jones (00:53.198)
It's been part time for a long time, but I finally said, you know what, it's time to move on and do some different things and get my focus all the way into just getting into the helping community. So it's been great.

James Moffitt (01:05.929)
Right, that's awesome.

James Moffitt (01:10.205)
So, Richard is helping the families of young adults at risk and trouble or in transition to adulthood without guilt, shame or blame.

Richard Jones (01:11.96)
Yeah.

Richard Jones (01:19.47)
Okay. Now, I wanted to, and I always like going over that because I think it has some component parts to it that needs to be broken down. First of all, the families of young adults. Now, obviously we're talking about parents, you know, if we have it, we're talking about mentors, we're talking about community, we're talking about anyone who has contact or involvement with

the young adult, you know, that's who we're looking for. When I say at risk, you understand all the pitfalls that's around all our young adults right now. Some more than others, depending on your community or resources or whatever. So it's all different types of levels, but some at risk, meaning that they haven't fallen into deep trouble yet, but you can clearly see a path. You know what I mean? And I think

One of the things I really like to get people to understand is that this has to be a proactive thing. In other words, we've got to look ahead and not be afraid to step forward. So many times I find that families and young adults, you know, we wait for trouble to get here. We can see it on the horizon. But we wait for right. We write and in this game that that's lost the ground that is so valuable in this game. So I like to.

James Moffitt (02:38.527)
You know, we're reactive instead of proactive.

Richard Jones (02:48.012)
make it very clear that risk, in my opinion, it's a big thing. In trouble speaks for itself. Drugs and alcohol, trouble with the law, all different types of trouble, some forced by illness and sickness and different things like that, some just wrong place, wrong time, environment, but still in trouble. Needing to go to rehab.

in rehab, just getting out of rehab, trouble with the law, which is where my origin comes from, young adults in trouble with the law. That's closer to my background. And there's also mainly the thing, and I see this especially in a lot of the posts in your group, is just a rocky transition into adulthood. Sometimes that in itself, that rocky part allows now.

somebody at risk and some of the trouble things to seep in because, you know, crossing that threshold can be very rocky as I don't have to explain that to anybody. This podcast, you know, it's hard for everybody. So those three things put together is where I focus my attention and sort of try to build processes and programs to get families through that. Not just in a better way, but I'd like to think of it as a

Knock it out of the park, lights out way. I think we should, it's an opportunity. I look at it as an opportunity. As much distress as it brings, family, I look at it as an opportunity. So it's an opportunity.

James Moffitt (04:29.355)
Well, I think one of the problems that some families are facing is that we have young men who don't have a father figure in the family. They don't have that strong father figure mentor role model in their lives. And there's statistics out there that basically states that the single mother families that

Richard Jones (04:39.146)
Mm-hmm. Right.

Yes.

James Moffitt (04:55.669)
There's not a father role model and it's not, this is not dissing single mothers because they've got a, they have a huge role. They have a huge load on their plate. And, you know, they, I think they do the best they can with what they have, but there are statistics out there that, that state that if a young man doesn't have a father figure, of some sort in his life, there's, there's, more chances that they're going to wind up in trouble with addiction or.

Richard Jones (05:00.397)
Right, exactly.

Richard Jones (05:18.06)
Yes.

James Moffitt (05:23.711)
breaking law or jail or incarceration or whatever, you know. And another thing is that as our young adults are transitioning into adulthood, parents have to transition as well. In other words, we're talking 18 to 30 and we're talking about parents transitioning from the parent-child relationship to that of a support person or a mentor.

Richard Jones (05:24.662)
No doubt.

Richard Jones (05:42.072)
Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yes.

Richard Jones (05:49.772)
Right. Mm-hmm. Right.

James Moffitt (05:53.055)
And I think a lot of parents have a hard time recognizing that, especially if they're still under your roof. You you spend 18 years teaching them life skills and your values, your morals, your religious beliefs, all of that stuff. pass all this stuff along to our children in hopes that they will be, you know, good humans, good, solid citizens in the community. Right. And, and so I think that, especially while they're under our roof,

Richard Jones (06:05.27)
Right.

Richard Jones (06:16.686)
Right,

James Moffitt (06:22.527)
We mick, kind of miss that window of opportunity to transition with our, our adult children. And, and that's understandable because you know, it's like every, every day is a, just another day. Right. And so, but anyway, I, we always talk about, we do talk about on the, podcast about the importance of parents. Understanding that they need to transition as smoothly as possible into the second stage.

Richard Jones (06:29.366)
Mm-hmm. Right. Yes.

Richard Jones (06:36.756)
You got it right.

Richard Jones (06:49.517)
Yes.

James Moffitt (06:51.621)
of parenting, which is the parent of an adult child, right? And so...

Richard Jones (06:55.31)
OK, so right. And so Jim, what I basically focused on is we understand the pitfalls and the deficits. Not having a proper father figure in the home obviously is at the top of that list. All the other things that can come across and damage that transition. What I try to focus on is understanding that

We understand we know we have these roadblocks, but how do we create a system and a mentality that helps us, even with those roadblocks, do a much better job? That's the parents and the child. So what are the roadblocks? And how do we now create an experience that helps with that? How do we make it so that that young adult who doesn't have that father figure, how do we get them that leg back up?

because we don't have necessarily control or as much control as we would like in some of these deficits. So what do we build? How do we build a person? What do we do to build a person and a parent mentor complex that is better able to deal with that and still not have to lose out on the benefits of becoming a great adult? Well, how do we bridge that gap? And that's what I spent a lot of time doing. What do we do?

being an RN for all these many years, I realized a couple of things. And this goes to not just my story, but my experience. I learned that

We have a lot of professionals. I've always leaned on the professionals to help me with my patients, okay? Psychologists, doctors, social workers, everybody leans on that experience. I mean, everybody helps out with that. We work as a team, you know what I mean? And what I've seen is that there needs to be a mind shift change with a lot of us adults with

Richard Jones (09:05.486)
the younger people. There's a slight mind shift change that needs to take place. I believe in the medical complex to a great degree. I won't say 100%, but to a great degree. And I believe that it is a tool, just a tool. In other words, I think that parents and people who work with young adults have fallen into a...

a controlled or sense of helplessness by all the help that is out there. In other words, as soon as the help comes, we defer to the help. I like to think of it as treatment versus transformation. In other words, I think that the transformation should be put up front. In other words, what are we changing? How are we changing it versus the treatment? Use the treatment for just a tool.

And I think I found out that that works pretty good. We can start to change that mindset and let everybody involved understand that. Listen, we understand you got deficits. There's all types of deficits. You may have a drug and alcohol program. You may have a lack of parental support in one particular area. These things are part of life. some are some of us are more fortunate, some of us are less fortunate.

But I've never saw that as a reason to lose young people. So I made it my mission to figure out how do I go get the young person who doesn't even have a father figure? They don't have a mother figure. They don't have anything but bad figures. I learned this from working in a correctional facility for years. What do I do with this guy? Are they just lost? And I said, at first, and this goes to back talking to my experience,

When I first started in that position, I was just like everybody else. I saw a kid come into my care and I said to myself, ain't gonna make it. First of all, I know his dad, okay. I know his uncles. I know his background. I see what trouble he's been in. Okay, let's just do the best we can. But as I got more experience working with young people, I realized, wait a minute, that doesn't...

James Moffitt (11:10.443)
You

Richard Jones (11:28.77)
have to be the be-all end-all of it. And there are some things that we could do actually right now with what we have here in order to increase those odds greatly. Some, I wouldn't say simple things, but just some really basic tracks that we could go on to teach them and give them experience and give them back their power. And give the parents back their power also. One thing I found out Jim is that

I understand the pain that goes with all these situations, the frustration, you know, there's different types of frustration. You know, some of the people in your audience have kids that if, if you're lucky, the problem you have with them is that just won't get off the sofa. If that, you're lucky, okay. Cause problems get way worse. But regardless of what the problem area is, lot of parents and mentors do not comprehend their full leverage.

They don't comprehend the power that they actually have. And that's one of the things we try to work on. Understanding where your real power is. Your power isn't in yelling and screaming. And it's not in getting upset because every ounce of power and attention that you give to that, you take away power and attention from giving it to an actual transition point. So I try to get them to understand, OK, it's OK to be a little upset, but hurry up.

It's up to you now as the head of this to shift from the upset mode to the fixing mode because what is done is done. But if we take a 180 turn and look at our future, it's wide open. So let's take our power and our attention and turn it toward that because you can do nothing better for your young adult than making sure that whatever trouble he's had, whatever risks they face,

Eliminate them. In other words, take them out of the equation as much as possible. Chip away at them. And that's where Second Starts has its focus on changing the narrative, changing the focus, and then changing how you make goals. And you'd start to see that once you take away some of the power of the bad that has happened, direct that same power toward a future, and more in a procedural way.

Richard Jones (13:57.474)
you start to see some great results. I've went from this, my mindset goes from, for two different groups, the group of young people who seem to have no hope, which is how this was in my mind based and I worked in a correctional facility. That group, which didn't seem to have any hope versus the group of with, who had kids who were children who were raised right, raised correctly.

in homes, but still things were going wrong. So those two groups really interested me the most. I saw so many times in that chair sitting in front of me, both groups sitting in the same chair in the same trouble. I've seen many kids with great parental guidance. And some with none. And I've seen them, a lot of them, sitting in the same chair in front of me with the same problems. That said to me, there's a deeper link to this.

That's what I.

James Moffitt (14:54.645)
So can you share a success story that you are familiar with that you could share with, know?

Richard Jones (15:00.12)
Well, not to say a specific person, but specific situations. And a situation is this, I've run into a lot. OK, let me take you back. I've got this little story I'd like to tell you, but it basically encapsulates why I even do this. So I think that will help. Like I said, when I first went to the facility, I had a certain idea on how things should go. Who was going to be able to do what? Because of their circumstances.

James Moffitt (15:07.209)
Okay.

Richard Jones (15:29.122)
We all know that circumstances, know, breathe what you're going to get out of a person. I've seen so many young men in the chair in front of me. And I call it the Sallieport story because it's that small area in between the general lockdown and freedom where, you know, lawyers may meet. as a medical person, that's where I would meet young men in charge with making sure that the young people were, you know, settling in well and there was no issue that we couldn't handle.

Saw the transition from the first time I would see a young person Okay, first time I'm see them the terror and the fear in their eyes even the baddest toughest ones the first couple times they get in trouble it's terror and fear and they would Excuse the term but this is the term I'm using this fun But they will sell their soul to the devil to get out of that situation that they were in

James Moffitt (16:28.175)
sure.

Richard Jones (16:28.608)
right at that time. And I realized, wait a minute, if they're so flexible now, why is it that with all this help that we have, I've got professionals going down to see them. I'm sending a psychiatrist down to see them. I'm sending a social worker. I'm sending drug and alcohol people down to tell them to help them with their transition when they get out. Great professional people, good people, people who in their own right could have private practice or do have private practice and help great amounts of people.

Our levels of success with these young people are like under 10 and 15%. Well, how, what's the deal? So I realized that there had to be a better way to get, or not, for me not to see that same individual now come back time number two, time number three, time number four, but by the time they get down to three and four and five, Jim, guess what?

that same flexibility, that same ability to accept help, that same ability to be molded, it starts to go away. We start to lose it. It starts to, you lose contact, you lose the ability to get that shock back there. You lose your leverage on them. So my story with that would be that I've been able to get to some of the young people and whatever support they have, okay?

and then take that mold it, okay, take that support now and change the way that support sees the situation, okay? Change the way they see the situation. We've had some success with this basically taking a parental group and the child and just basically working on the basics. The basics did do so much to raise our ability to get some success now at it is.

That same procedure, that same mentality, that same outlook and delivery system isn't just for kids in trouble. It can work for a young adult who's just struggling and faltering, not being able to know who they are and feeling like no matter what help is given them, it's contrary to what they want to do or what they want to be. know, loving help. they still, and your audience can vouch for this, I'm sure.

Richard Jones (18:55.116)
You give a loving help and loving advice. OK. And it's still met with resistance. Well, there's a reason for that. You know, and it's sort of reasons that are make when you delve into the reason that make a lot of sense. But when we can start working on those goals, getting those new goals and new focuses in a structural manner. We you can see some success. My whole goal was just to increase the success rate in my industry.

You know, we see kids and we know we know we're down. OK, and I worked and outside of the correctional facility system, worked in drug and alcohol rehab also put them together. anybody who will listen, I will tell them, hey, in my correctional system, 85 percent. I think I'm being I may be on the low side is having a drug and alcohol problem. OK, and I'm not necessarily talking about the kind of drug and alcohol problem that requires rehab.

This is the kicker, Jim. People don't want to understand this. Just because you're a young adult does not require a rehab. They're not on the street. They're not spending all their money just because they don't do that. That does not mean that they're not adversely affected by some of the things that they do in that area. And we got the family to understand that. There are things that we have to address, regardless of whether or not you're addressing them in a lifesaving manner.

And some of those things, as we come together, I think that's where we've been able to find some success. Just turning around the mindset, pushing in a new set of really basic habits, a new set of basic habits for the adult and the children. And we see now, you start to see progress in all the other areas that you're trying to help in. So it's about increasing absorption. And it's about understanding

seeing and recognizing distraction. OK. There's a lot of distractions, but when we bring those distractions to the young person's, you know, consciousness, you know, most of the distractions just come by and they're on you and people don't even under they don't even understand what distractions they're experiencing because they're on them so fast and they're so used to it. We start to single them out, isolate them, point them out.

Richard Jones (21:20.962)
We don't have to go on and on preaching about don't do this, don't do that, don't do this. All we need to do is bring these things into focus, okay, and tell them, okay, let's just cut down this distraction by this percentage or this percentage or a little bit here or even when we're not cutting down a distraction, we're adding in a new habit. Adding in new habits are the same as decreasing distraction. Once we start doing that, we can start to see some progress.

James Moffitt (21:50.155)
So what kind of distractions are you talking about?

Richard Jones (21:52.408)
Well, I'm talking about the distractions that, and I don't want to be, definitely, I don't want to be one of those doomsday guys because the truth of the matter is that we all are under the distraction of, the word I use is consumerism. In other words, there's always, everywhere you turn, there's somebody who wants your attention.

James Moffitt (21:56.383)
social media

Richard Jones (22:18.626)
They want your money. They want your power. There's always something looking to drain from you. And when you're a young adult in that transition, you're very, you're very vulnerable to those leeches and those suckers. And they come on all levels. I'm talking about the highest level of distraction, whatever you may think that is down to the lowest level of distraction. They all eat away at the process. So what we do is say, Hey, start decreasing distraction.

Almost like, Jim, I can use a metaphor. You fix decreasing distraction the same way you fix a broken arm. I just don't tell a broken arm it's fixed. I don't give it a pill until it's fixed. I cast it up so that it can't get worse. Then I let it begin to heal. This is the same way we're working with distraction. We got to get a hold of the baseline and then start going the other way.

Slowly, the mindset of the young adult will understand direction better than it will understand trying to just get rid of distractions. Okay, if you just say, don't do this, don't do that, don't do this, we basically get nowhere. But if we say and put it in the mindset of the individual, hey, we're cutting back on these distractions, we're decreasing these distractions, slowly but surely, we're reducing these distractions and replacing that time that you leave.

that time and that energy and that mindset, replacing them with these habits. Slowly, not dramatically, but slowly. And the mind starts to understand what direction it's going in now. And once we set that in motion, and it's mostly the program is about setting certain things in motion and then putting an engine behind that motion. Okay, set it in motion, cast it.

set it in a proper motion, and then build an engine behind it. And it's as subtle as it sounds. It seems to be a great approach towards starting to change the mindset. Nothing is more important than changing the mindset in a direction. So many times, and my theory is, and my mantra is treatment versus transformation.

Richard Jones (24:43.914)
Our mindset in the Western world is treatment here, treatment's up front, and everything else goes along with it. Then get your mindset together. I go the opposite way. Mindset first, and then we use treatment, helping modalities, practitioners, and all that as tools to get them where they need to be. Because once you get that young adult where they need to be, that's

where you go. And fact of the matter is all of us, myself, yourself, everybody that's, know, listen to your podcast, what we really want, we want for our young person, our child to be in a blanket statement, we want them to be okay. Okay, we want them to be okay. We want them to be healthy. Secondly, and just as important, we want to be proud.

We want to be proud. We want to be proud. Because when we're proud, that means that the concerns and the negative energy drains that we've had with that young adult are over. Now it's just pride. So in our mind, that's our first step. Hey, what does it take to make your parents and your murderers proud of you? What does it take to make you proud of yourself?

James Moffitt (25:42.24)
Sure.

Richard Jones (26:09.101)
And we understand that the biggest building block to being proud of yourself is learning a very, simple, it's almost a golden rule of taking care of yourself. You know, it's almost a do unto others of taking your care of yourself. And that is learn how to make the proper promises to yourself and then learn how to keep those promises. It's as simple as that. Once we teach that young individual to do that, that's what this is about.

learning how to make the proper promises to yourself and then learning how to keep those promises. Everything else now, all other modalities, treatments, helps, advice, anything that you throw on top of that, it all starts to work better now. We're starting to get our power back. We're starting to take our power from our treatments and our help. And we're starting to magnify that power. It's almost like pushing the governor on the engine. We're getting a little bit more gas through the line now.

And that's my whole goal. Get a little bit more absorption, a little more gas in the line, because we've got the facilities. We've got the advice. We've got the people that love these people. We've got everything in place. Everything's there. The resources are there, Jim. But what we've got to learn to do is use those resources to their maximum benefit. That's really, for me, what it's mostly about.

James Moffitt (27:16.171)
Right.

James Moffitt (27:31.508)
Awesome.

So what would you, in summary, what would you tell your parents that are listening to this podcast episode?

Richard Jones (27:41.015)
What I would tell them is this. I would tell them is this. Listen.

It's very understandable the problems and grief and agitations that you may be having in your life. It's understandable how you feel about it. It's understandable the guilt that's placed upon you. No matter what you did, if things turn out wrong, there's a lot of guilt. We understand the shame that that brings upon you. We understand all of that. But the key message here is this.

If you can look through that for just a bit and understand that there is a mindset and a methodology to turn that around, then what we suggest is you take that and you begin to focus your attention on that. the second thing is I want people to understand that this is not just about. This is not just about

kids that are in terrible trouble. Okay? This is about a system that helps kids in terrible trouble, no doubt. But also kids just who need a little bit more direction and you would like to see them get off to a much better start. To me, I've always felt like there's an urgency toward this. Most parents that I run into, because of the pain of the whole subject,

They tend to leave it alone until it gets too bad. I'm not talking about this until I've got to take Johnny to rehab. Now I'm talking about it. Well, you know what? I think that if we could get more people to understand the urgency of this, I liken it as another metaphor, Jim, I liken it to hitting a golf ball. You know, when you hit a golf ball off the tee, it only has to be a very, very small degree off when you make contact.

James Moffitt (29:19.636)
Right.

Richard Jones (29:45.934)
but 150 yards down the way, you're in the water or you're in the woods. Okay. You weren't that far off at contact, but you were just a degree off. And in my mind, what we need to do is pay attention to that contact point and make sure we're straight because you will reap the benefits of that straight, that straight contact. You will reach the benefit of that. So for those parents who

see even their child going in the wrong direction. Even if you see it going in the wrong direction, even if you're at risk, even if things aren't going as well as you would like to see them, start working on these types of mindsets now. Start working on this now because it will reap you benefits. It will reap you benefits. One of the things I tell some of the parents I talk to is this. Listen, this is an action that you take.

that will not only benefit you and your child, I guarantee you it will benefit your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren. When you use these techniques in this mindset to straighten your young adult and put him on a self-refueling, a self-refueling direction, now you're talking about a benefit that will last the rest of your life.

the rest of your child's life and maybe and definitely even further once you go there. So I tell them right now, be aggressive, be active and look to sharpen that mindset. It will pay off dividends, no doubt.

James Moffitt (31:30.313)
Well, yeah, I'm gonna bring up your website so you can talk about that a little bit.

James Moffitt (31:40.875)
So it's a secondstarts.com, common spelling. Essential change with Second Starts. You got a phone number up here, free informational call, 856-583-2747. You want to talk about your landing page a little bit.

Richard Jones (31:53.219)
Yes. Well, I have a landing page and it's a very simple landing page and it's called Parenting Your Child in Recovery.

James Moffitt (32:07.839)
You want me to go to there? Hang on.

Richard Jones (32:09.527)
Yes.

Richard Jones (32:28.206)
OK. Yes. Basically, what I put on there is I put the things on this landing page because, Jim, this is what I really feel about it. OK. You see, I give some parameters up top as far as who we're talking about. when I say, and I have to explain this sometimes, when I say turned them into a source of pride in 90 days,

James Moffitt (32:28.715)
All right.

Richard Jones (32:56.558)
What I'm talking about is an installation, an installation of a mindset. In other words, once we install, the whole thing about this is installing the mindset and the habit base. Once we do that, we build what I like to call the self-refueling transformation. In other words, of course I can't, or no one can take your child or your young person, put them in a room.

and give them this great information and they're going to come out fine. That's not the way it works. The way it works is we put them on a transformational journey that gives them a set of habits and a lifestyle and a mentality to live that will then, what will then give them the chance to now grow in a big way and grow on their terms. The most important thing is to have them grow on their terms.

In other words, we help them distinguish what their terms are. And then that's what they use to grow. So it's not, you know, this is why I have a problem with treatment versus transformation. With treatment, I tell you what to think. I tell you what to do. I say, do this, I do this. Here's the temper. Do it that way. Do it this way. That doesn't last. But what does last is we given them a self-determined ability to transform. Now this is a transformation. Now, now

will go on for the rest of their lives, a continued transformation that works over and over and over again. So that source of pride 90 days is this what we call it. It's the installation of the program. So and that's what it is. And when I say down there, if you scroll down a little further, it says to me, this is a big deal. It says do it privately and do it now. I firmly believe that.

with some of your helpers and some of your things, you know, that guilt, shame, upset, it is, oh my God, the neighbors are looking at us. It's natural for people. So there's no need for people to say it doesn't bother me. It bothers all of us to that degree. It bothers all of us. This is a mindset in a program that can be done. Even though I've been a registered nurse for, well, stopping on my 39th year right now,

Richard Jones (35:23.914)
I understand that.

The treatments and things that we relay on people, that's not really what makes the changes. So when I say do it privately, mean, I don't talk to young people about when a family is brought to me, I don't say, okay, let's talk about your drug and alcohol use. I don't do that. That's not my role. I'm a registered nurse and this program is a non-clinical application.

I believe that I can empower, strengthen, increase the percentage of success with all these other programs. We work with practitioners. So another group that I talk to at the same time is practitioners where we get referrals from them because who do you have and what are you doing? I know what you're doing, but this is what I can do to make that better.

Immediate changes that we make if you scroll up we can just even talk about that because I think these media changes are important I mean down. Sorry, they get the wrong direction that immediate change. Okay Your young adult immediately become more calculating and efficient people underestimate They underestimate the giving a young person a more functional mindset this underestimated greatly

It's put into a different category. Well, that's all that kind of self-help stuff and all that. No, once we help declutter the mind and put order into the mind and your young person's specific order, once we put that in their mind, well, they're able to now operate more efficiently. We're taking some of the shackles off of their operation. We're taking some of that resistance to you and what you're saying out of the equation now, because now we've got a calculating mind and the calculating mind is more thirsty.

Richard Jones (37:21.614)
to hear good advice. It's when the mind is clouded and not calculating, it shuns good advice. It protects itself. We take a mind that turns it more into a sponge-type mind. And you could do this with any person. It doesn't even take any type of past experience or any type of background in order to start really taking these habits on very easily. It doesn't really.

doesn't take that much to do that. A real support network is very important, Jim, because the typical support network that we've had and dealt with are you gather your brothers and your uncles and people that are close to the family. And they all sit around and talk about, know what? This is terrible. What's happened? What can we do to support him? And everything and all that talk is in the mindset of what has went wrong. There is a place for that.

But I firmly believe that place is strictly with the professionals that you work with. Family, a support network, it's not important that they deal with all of that. We leave that to the professionals. We change the focus of the support network. What are they going to focus on? What are they going to focus on now and put their power and their influence and their leverage on where are we going forward? Where's our milepost? What are we doing? We're going to use that, change that mindset of the whole support network.

Okay, and of course with that young adult, we're to change their mindset from Receiving treatment or being told how wrong you are or living in your past or seeing all the things that's wrong with you We're going to take that mindset. We're going to switch that turn their head as I it's another metaphor You know when you as a kid and somebody would Your mom or dad would grab your head and twist and turn and say look over here That's the room you didn't clean up or something like that gently, but just to reinforce that focus

This is basically all we do. We just take their head gently and turn and say, I want you look here. Look at this. And we are now create something for them to focus on. And this is a process that is adoptable, repeatable. And it works for everyone. I happen to focus on young people and young adults because that's the area of focus that I worked in professionally most of the time. So that mindset, I understand, you know, I understand that mindset.

James Moffitt (39:44.02)
Right.

Richard Jones (39:48.91)
So that's why, but I think this type of mental focus work for everyone. It's better for young people because young people in that part of their life where they are open now to that change in that transition, they're naturally built for it. This is what it's for. This is what going from young adulthood to adulthood, that threshold, that's exactly what it's for to learn how to bust through to that. So this is the perfect time to initiate that type of mindset. Somebody asked me one time, he said,

Well, you know, and I get this question, obviously. what is this? What does this cost? know, no, no. Well, let me put it to you like this. I guarantee you this.

It'd be whatever your charge, the result would be, I'm using the numbers of 10 or 15 times more, but actually the results would be priceless. Okay. These are priceless results because if you could get your young adult to change their focus and move in a positive direction, know, truthfully, that's all you, that's all we really want in life as parents. And you know, that's what we want in life. That's what we, that's it.

James Moffitt (40:43.466)
Right.

Richard Jones (40:59.618)
That's the holy grail of your children, having them go off in a direction that you know they're healthy, you know they're safe, and you're proud. Past that, you don't need anything else. You don't. So, yes.

James Moffitt (41:11.925)
Thanks, Richard. I appreciate that. So that's going to wrap up this episode of ABC's of parenting adult children. hope today's conversation gave you some encouragement and practical steps. Yep.

Richard Jones (41:20.718)
Oh, Jim Jim, before you go through, just want to say one thing and being as that I have always been a follower of you and your program and even if so, you so gratefully you and your wife are so great me to allow me to help out and be a sponsor. Anybody from your group that calls us, you know, all consultations are free anyway, but anybody from your group, OK, we are going to offer some scholarship work.

James Moffitt (41:24.532)
Okay, go ahead.

Richard Jones (41:49.932)
we're going to offer some, a great look into our back door, how we do it, why we do it. So just in case the person doesn't, can't avail herself of everything, we can still give them the, initiate them to the exact process that we're using. So all the information that I'm talking about, I'm willing to lay out for your group and the people, whatever they need to know about it or understand about it, we go. So if we look on that, on that landing page, there's a part about no more, get the book or whatever.

Go ahead and click on it anyway, get some contact with me and I'd be happy to hear about your, you know, what you got going and give you all the advice we can on what we actually do for young people. that just in case they say it's not for your family as far as the entire thing, we can still give you everything and all the knowledge that we have. Cause what's most important for me is to know that, you know, this group is getting some, you know, getting some benefit out of it and just getting their kids on the right track.

So sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to let you know that.

James Moffitt (42:47.933)
No, you're fine. That's great. And I'll, I'll put that landing page in the show notes so that people can find it. So, so that's going to wrap up this episode of ABC's of parenting adult children. hope today's conversation gave you some encouragement and practical steps you can try in your own family. If you found this helpful, would you do me a favor? Hit that subscribe button, share this episode with a friend who's also navigating the parenting journey. I'll leave a quick review. It really helps others find this podcast.

Richard Jones (42:54.126)
Okay, that'd be great.

James Moffitt (43:17.523)
I'd also love to hear your stories. How are you working through these challenges with your adult children? Send me an email at talk pac at proton.me it's talk pac at proton.me or connect with me on social media links are in the show notes. Thanks for listening. Thanks for the privilege of your time, Richard. Thank you for being here. Thank you for the work that you're doing. And remember parenting doesn't stop when they turn 18, it just changes shape.

Richard Jones (43:39.566)
Thank you.