Overcoming Adversity: The Power of Faith and Resilience

James Moffitt (00:01.635)
Hello and welcome to the ABCs of Parenting Adult Children podcast, where we explore the shifting roles, deeper conversations, and enduring bonds that define parenting beyond childhood. I'm your host, James Moffitt. Today I'm joined by Andrew Ryan. How do you say your last name, Ryan?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (00:18.51)
Profaci.

James Moffitt (00:19.907)
Profasi, okay. A man who believes as he puts it, parenting doesn't end when your child turns 18, it just changes shape. Together we'll unpack the ABCs. A for authenticity, showing up with honesty and humility. B is for boundaries, respecting independence while staying rooted in love. C for connection, building trust through shared values and open dialogue. Andrew brings a grounded perspective shaped by faith, family, and a deep respect for personal liberty. Whether you're navigating

Tough love, redefining your role or simply seeking to strengthen your relationship with your adult child. This episode offers clarity, encouragement and practical wisdom. So let's get started.

Andrew, can I call you Andrew?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (01:06.06)
Yeah, please.

James Moffitt (01:07.285)
Andrew, Andrew Ryan. Is Ryan your middle name?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (01:09.87)
It's actually considered a first name. Mom's from the South. She liked that whole, you know, Bobby Sue kind of first name and middle name get thrown together. So it depends. If you're from the North, like my dad's side, you'll call me Andrew. If you're from the South, you'll call me Andrew Ryan.

James Moffitt (01:19.189)
I got you. Okay.

James Moffitt (01:27.587)
Got it. So, tell it, introduce yourself to the listening audience. If you don't mind.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (01:33.922)
Yeah, pleasure to be here. Thank you for having me. Nice to meet everybody. My name is Andrew. I'm 40 years old. I live in Johnson City, Tennessee, originally born and raised in Freehold, New Jersey, Asbury Park, New Jersey, right by the beach. I'm a marketing professional by trade. Now I consider myself an author. I just wrote a book about a time I had spent with an infamous cult as it turned out to be.

And that story goes into the experiences I had with them escaping, finding myself, and the challenges.

that I've focused on, whether it be with them, with a terrible car accident, learning to walk again, my fight against stage four cancer, and everything that it's taken for me to overcome the incredible challenges that I have found in my life. And I am now here speaking out, gathered with you, because I feel like the best way I can serve is to offer my experiences in a way that may help you, the listener, to

find some parallels in your own life that help you to overcome your own challenges. So thank you for having me. That's why I'm here. Happy to dig in with you.

James Moffitt (02:54.293)
Absolutely. Thank you for the introduction. I've got your website up. It's thewaronlove.com. Common spelling, thewaronlove.com. Inside the love has one cult. And I have to say, I have never heard of that up until this point. But I want to encourage the listening audience to get that book. You can actually sign up to get the first chapter, which I've done.

And if you like what you see in the first chapter, then obviously you can go online and buy the book.

James Moffitt (03:27.939)
So tell us a little bit more about the book, Andrew.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (03:32.062)
Yeah, so the book I began writing while I was actually in the hospital receiving chemotherapy gave me something to focus on. know, cancer has a way of making you consider what you're leaving behind. And I knew I had this incredible experience that for years people had been asking me to write about.

to put in a book and I finally decided it was time. The book is essentially a chronological record of my time. It in early childhood to give you some context about who I am and my life, my choices, so you can understand me a little bit better and what led me to joining this group of what seemed like spiritual people on a mission to help others awaken all positive, all good intentions.

When I got there, it was something completely different. The girl who was the leader believed she was Mother God, the Earth incarnate, lived 500 and some odd lives. You know, she was not as interested in spreading the love and light as she claimed it had devolved more into control, into weaponizing that love, weaponizing the intentions to be

service to follow. And it became a really difficult trying time for me, but also really rewarding in the sense that I was able to learn a lot about myself while uncovering a lot of dark events that went on inside the book. You'll read a lot of incredible, crazy stories, things that happened that really taught me a lot about myself, a lot about

people and a lot about learning how to love yourself and love other people unconditionally, which was my number one goal that I took away. So the book itself essentially goes through that experience, very factual based as far as what I experienced through my own eyes and shows you what it was like to experience such a unique thing.

James Moffitt (05:53.269)
I so. I spent some time in my earlier years in Christian ministry. was in street ministry for about 10 years in Houston, Texas. And I, one of the books in my library is called Kingdom of the Cults. And it basically talks about all the different cults that are primary cults that don't line up with God's Word.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (06:22.935)
Sure.

James Moffitt (06:23.289)
I'm not going to name any of them here because that's kind of outside the scope of our conversation. However, I think it's important that people

I'm very, very inclusive and I believe in diversity. so, you know, I have a, I have a parenting support group that's private and, had a lady, said that she didn't think my support group was going to be good for her because it was Christian based or faith based. And I was like, Hmm, we don't really preach Jesus. We don't preach God or any, or any faith, practices on in that support group.

But we also encourage people, I don't care if you're Buddhist, I don't care if you're Islam, I don't care if you're Pentecostal, Catholic, whatever, whatever faith that you adhere to or prescribed to. I respect that. Right. We may not agree on theology, theological viewpoints or whatever, that's neither here nor there. We all, we all are walking this life together. Right. We're all walking in this journey on the road of life. And we have to.

Make decisions. We have to try to understand things the best we can. And so I want to be as inclusive as I can. And in my faith walk earlier on, when I was in my twenties and thirties, I prescribed to more of a, evangelical non-denominational type of churches. Right. And, so I did a lot of studying. I've read the Bible from cover to cover multiple occasions and

The more I read the Bible, the more I come to the understanding that there's a lot I don't understand, right? There's a lot of stuff that, you know, I think the Holy Spirit teaches us as we read, as we go from one plateau of knowledge to another plateau of knowledge. I think the Holy Spirit reveals different things to us in time when we're

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (08:23.947)
The more you learn, the more you realize, the less you know.

James Moffitt (08:27.639)
Yeah, that's exactly what I meant to say. so, so anyway, the kingdom of the cult's book is good in that it, it digs into the theological beliefs of each cult, and so that you can understand why you believe what you believe and why the cult that is there is, is teaching error or erroneous theology to, their followers, right?

And so a lot of times people go to church and the only time that the only time that they hear or read the scripture is when the pastor teaches them on Sunday for an hour, right? 45 minutes to an hour during the rest of the week, they don't crack the book. They don't understand what's in it. Right. And that's not everybody. I'm just saying that I think that there's a majority of church goers that the only, the only scripture or biblical understanding that they receive is

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (09:13.485)
I'm sorry.

James Moffitt (09:24.867)
during the church service on Sunday. Right. And so it's very easy for people to be deceived. It's very easy for, I remember as a young man, I remember when Jehovah's witnesses used to come knock on my door. Right. And they were very knowledgeable about what they believe. And they were very knowledgeable about the Bible that they read, you know, and teach. And had I not had the foundational knowledge that I had, I could have very easily become a Jehovah's witness.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (09:27.511)
Sure.

James Moffitt (09:54.489)
Right. And I'm not saying everything about Jehovah's Witnesses is bad. They had, I think every, every religious sect has pros and cons. Right. So anyway, we'll get, we'll, we'll, I don't know. You just kind of, you kind of, you kind of prompted me on that. And, uh, but anyhow, back to your experience, uh, I know that you had a, uh, a pretty intense fight with.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (10:04.173)
Sure.

James Moffitt (10:23.149)
with cancer and I see that your hair's grown back. You know, I know you had to have chemotherapy. What do you, do you want to share any of that?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (10:32.469)
Yeah, I'm happy too. It played such a pivotal role in my life and I feel there's so much there from the experience, so much growth and insight that it would be travesty for me not to share it. So yeah, I'm absolutely open to sharing anything you'd like to know about that.

James Moffitt (10:54.691)
We'll just kind of give us a one mile overview of what happened, I guess.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (10:59.573)
Well,

It started with pain in my legs that I thought was from an old accident. I was 39 at the time. The accident I was in was 18. Terrible accident. Fatal car accident. My best friend who was driving was killed instantly. My pelvis was shattered. Gosh, nine different places. Yeah, it was terrible. So anytime I ever had pain in my legs, I assumed it was from that. And I had a rough leg day in the gym.

James Moffitt (11:19.161)
man.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (11:31.428)
I started having pain and over the course of weeks it got worse and worse and worse and usually my pains would go away but this pain got got worse and worse that was in September it started and then by October I wasn't sleeping I was going to an orthopedist I didn't want to come off I'm an ex-addict I've dealt with that before so I didn't want doctors to think I was you know just going around looking for pills because they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me they did an x-ray and they couldn't see

anything wrong with the bone structure and had no answers for me and this pain got so bad until one night that I drove myself to the ER and I could hardly walk to the desk I remember parking in the parking lot looking at the front desk thinking to me God I don't know how I'm gonna make it and I did crawled up to the desk they got me some help took a CT scan and

She came out and said, you know, I have some really, really bad news. This is you have a late and aggressive form of cancer. And that was it. part of me felt relieved because I knew I was finally going to get some medication that was going to help me lower the pain because I was in incredible pain. But it didn't dawn on me how serious of an issue I was facing until months and months later, I went back to New Jersey.

where my family lives and I went to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, one of the best in the world. And they told me, you have a latent aggressive form of cancer, no doubt about it, but we think we can cure you. And we've done it before.

And I said, you tell me where to go, when to show up. I will be there, whatever it takes. And I did, I fought for 18 months. I did eight separate rounds of chemotherapy. The first four didn't work. Got that call in the middle of the summer that says, hey, sorry, but your cancer's growing back. We need you to come in immediately. We're gonna have to do what they call high dose chemotherapy. I stayed in the hospital for.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (13:39.47)
90 days straight, they watched you, you know, took your blood three times a day. I was hooked up to an IV poll all day every day, you know, very intensive care, you know, surrounded by people who were just fighting for time.

You know, it made me feel unworthy to be there because all these people were fighting for time and here I was fighting to be cured. You know, I was so blessed and so lucky to be in that position and I fought through it and I'm happy to sit here 18 months after my last chemotherapy dose. I'm cancer-free. I can continue to remain that way and by the grace of God, it will stay that way. I eat healthy. I do everything I can.

James Moffitt (14:16.887)
Wonderful.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (14:24.253)
But I learned so much about compassion, about facing death. That was the biggest, toughest hurdle for me. And cancer has a way of bringing you closer to God than you could ever imagine. If you weren't close already, you would be afterwards. my relationship with God and with Jesus Christ has blossomed through that and has given me strength.

and the strength to finish this book, which was difficult to write. It was hard to go there, to relive these experiences and to be so specific about the moments I went through and what I was feeling. And, you know, I really leaned on the power that I get from God, from Jesus, from my faith. And that really gave me what I needed to push through and to get this done and to sit with you here. And my greatest intention now, like I said, is

to use these experiences to spread them out into the world and to help as many people as I can.

James Moffitt (15:29.881)
Amen. And it's a powerful story and it's a testament to God's power in your life. And I like to tell people when they overcome insurmountable obstacles in their lives, it just means that God wasn't through with you yet. Right? I told you before I hit record, my wife had a brain tumor. I lost a daughter to a brain tumor. She was 10 years old and my wife had a brain tumor and she had

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (15:37.872)
out.

James Moffitt (15:59.161)
three brain surgeries and four or five rehabs and 2016, we almost lost her and she's cancer free now. And we, I love the fact that we can have podcast episodes, both video and audio to where we can tell our stories and we can share our stories with the listening audience so that they can hear them and...

embrace what's happening or what has happened and these stories hopefully resonate with the different people that are listening. And so your success story, overcoming cancer, is a testament to God's power in your life. you know, the circle of life is, you you're born and then you live your life and then you die. And we only have so many heartbeats, right? And I mean, the Bible says that

life is but a vapor. know, think Paul said that and we, we desperately cling to life, but in some senses we, we just, we just assume that we're going to wake up or we assume that when we get in our car to go to the grocery store, that we're not going to have a fatal accident. You know, we just, we just take life for granted, you know, and when you go through the things that my wife and you have gone through.

you come face to face with your, mortality, right? And you, you realize and recognize that, that we don't, we don't live on this earth forever. You know, we only have so much time. And that's one of the things I love about, doing this podcast, you know, I do a lot of writing and I do these podcasts episodes. I've got two different podcasts. And I know that these podcast episodes are going to live on, way past.

my mortality, right? I'll pass away and but the podcast episodes will always be there and that's so I'll be that'll be part of my legacy. And so yeah, I'm I'm I'm very thankful that you are cancer free and that you you are willing to be vulnerable and transparent and share your story with everybody. So let's let's

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (17:56.834)
Hmm. Yeah. I'm not gonna say sure.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (18:12.161)
Thank you.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (18:17.281)
Yes. I think authenticity is power, truly. Vulnerability and authenticity is absolute power, something I learned from Jesus. And you know, my grandmother tells me all the time that God must really have a lot of faith in you, Andrew, to give you the challenges that he's given you, and also at the same time, giving you a path forward through them. And I've come out better.

James Moffitt (18:23.617)
Right. Absolutely.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (18:45.097)
for them and you know it was actually her that said you know the world deserves to hear your story and to to connect with it and you know I owe her so much my grandmother who is a saint she she's been wonderful and I owe her a lot of credit because she was really able to put it in perspective for me and I couldn't agree with her more.

You know, I've been in a cult, I've had cancer, and you know, these are unique experiences, but the overcoming of a challenge, you know, the steps that we go through, the believing in yourself, the believing in God and the power and faith in Jesus Christ, these are things available to everybody. So while the experiences are different, you know, you can apply this to your own life. You have the same potential to grow,

James Moffitt (19:28.61)
Absolutely.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (19:37.849)
overcome that I did and that's my message.

James Moffitt (19:42.711)
Well, I think that like as a child, I was a child of the seventies, sixties and seventies, I graduated high school in 1980. My parents weren't believers. They weren't, they weren't people of faith. I never saw my adoptive father ever go to church. my parents, my adoptive parents told my sister and I that, that they believed in the freedom of religion. And if we ever got to a place in our lives as teenagers where we wanted to go to church.

That we absolutely were allowed to do that. Right. So I didn't become a believer. I didn't get saved until I was like, I don't know, 17 years old. And that's a long story, but I, I, I really feel like everybody has a faith story and anybody that has faith in Jesus Christ, right. And has accepted him as their Lord and savior. They have their face faith story.

how they were introduced to God and how God entered into their life and forgave them of their sins and gives them the power to, of the Holy Spirit to live according to God's Word as much as possible. We're all sinners saved by grace, right? Just because we're believers doesn't mean we're perfect. It doesn't mean that we have all the answers. It just means that we have a Savior that we can go to and that we can ask God to forgive us and try to do better, right? And so I think that a lot of times,

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (20:53.229)
Sure.

James Moffitt (21:06.905)
it takes a, some sort of incident in our lives, whether it be a car wreck, whether it be cancer, whether it be losing a spouse, whether it be losing a child, there's some kind of trauma. I think that happens to us that God uses for, for the better, our betterment and for, drawing us closer to him. Right. That's not to say that you can't draw close to God, without that, but that

I know that you, I would imagine that you said that your faith got stronger as you walked through that. And so that's powerful testimony to God's power in your life.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (21:44.107)
Hmm. No doubt.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (21:51.372)
No doubt, no doubt. I've been blessed, like I said, with those challenges, but also he has provided me a path forward and a path through them. And I surely wouldn't have made it through without the faith, without the trust in God, especially even trapped inside the cult, surrounded by manipulation, surrounded by people who were grooming me, who were...

lying, controlling, deceitful, and I was in a place where I didn't understand everything that was happening. was that faith in myself and holding on to the truth, holding on to that light, that is what carried me through, even despite all of the challenges that were presenting themselves in this topsy-turvy environment I had found myself in. And it was that faith that I just held on to and it carried me up.

James Moffitt (22:46.019)
So can you tell us how you got involved in this cult?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (22:50.687)
Yeah, sure. know, nobody joins a cult thinking, you know, it's going to be a cult. What I did was, you know, I joined thinking I was going to serve a divine purpose. That was my intention. I had some spiritual experiences that had essentially crashed my worldview.

in a way that left me looking for answers. And I had thought I had come across people who shared my understanding, my experiences, who understood what I went through and had the answers that I was searching for. like a lot of people, I was searching for meaning, searching for something greater. But what I found instead was manipulation.

wrapped in spirituality. What I found was control wrapped in the guise of love. And, you know, this is something that we find not just in a cult, but we find it in our jobs. We find, you know, in narcissistic bosses, we find it in our relationships, we find it every day in our lives. And while most people have enjoyed a cult, most people have encountered these kinds of kinds of situations where they felt like they might be being they were being torn into

James Moffitt (23:55.971)
sure.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (24:12.815)
directions away from their true self and I was caught between going along to getting along playing along and standing up for what I knew was true what I knew was right and For a while I acquiesced and some things happened Thank God that eventually Put me in a position where I had to make a decision and I I chose

truth, chose honor, chose my values and integrity, my authenticity above all else. And it put me at odds with the group itself. And I became some something of a pariah inside the group. As I worked to dismantle it from the inside. And my book tells a lot about that story. And most people when they find themselves in that position, they just pack up and leave, right? They would just they would just go.

James Moffitt (25:10.563)
Sure. Right.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (25:11.713)
But in my case, I had come to love the leader very, very much.

and I thought I could help her. thought I could save her. I had moments where I saw her beginning to snap out of this delusion that believing she was mother God. And if it wasn't for her, I would have left much sooner, but I stayed and I fought every single day. I stepped into that fire and I fought against it. I did my best to dismantle it from the inside for months and months. you know, it was an incredible fight.

It was something that really helped me to find myself. I forged my own authenticity in fire, so to speak, but I ended up having to leave eventually when I admitted that people won't change unless they want to.

at the end of the day. That's what it comes down to. And I had to admit that to myself and admit it was finally time to move on and take my life in a new direction. I had tried my best and I took my bumps and bruises, my lessons for what they were worth. I came out a better person and I look back on that experience in a positive light, not in a negative light, because I have transformed it and taken the growth that was available to me.

James Moffitt (26:32.931)
So how did manipulation play a role in your cult experience?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (26:37.613)
Yeah, so there was a lot of ways that she used manipulation or the group used manipulation really focused on the ego. Saying, if you don't believe in the beliefs, if you don't believe Amy is mother of God, this is just your ego. You're fighting against truth. You're fighting against God.

You're not on the side of God. There's that sense of wanting to get along with the people that you have to live in a house with. So the predisposition to believe, to go along, to get along is kind of baked into the surroundings, is baked into the environment because nobody wants to be that pariah.

Right? It takes, it takes a lot of guts every day to stand up against all the people living in your house and to single yourself out that way. you know, as far as control mechanisms go, you know, she, she had many, there were many, she would, you know, essentially just laugh at you. if you tried to question her, I mean, a cackle, a hard laugh and just unending laugh, she wouldn't answer your question. She would laugh at you and get the group to laugh at you.

saying you're an ego and you're spinning, you know, just a very condescending way to, you know, kind of cut you and make you feel small without

answering questions without being accountable for legitimate questions you might be asking about. Well, you claim to be God, but you have a drinking problem and you claim to have no ego and say you're God and you're perfect, but I see you every night. You drink a lot and you get sad. You get angry. You talk about your childhood and you cry. And I feel that there's some unresolved trauma there, but you claim to be perfect. So can you explain this to me? And a legitimate question like that would get, you're just

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (28:36.403)
stuck in your ego and start laughing at you instead. these are the ways they would kind of put you in your place and eventually most people wouldn't want to talk anymore. They wouldn't want to go there because it's just it becomes so uncomfortable and you get singled out. And the control mechanisms were refined. was intelligent so she created a lot of control mechanisms.

that were effective and it took a lot of guts to stand up against it. But it just got to a point where I wouldn't have.

been able to live with myself if I just accepted everything at face value because I felt that there were a lot of people, followers online in our chat room who were being misled. And I saw the potential dangers of what it could become. And I was hoping to stop that before it went any further after I had helped build it in the first place.

James Moffitt (29:38.915)
I think that a lot of people are susceptible to being misled because there's a lot of hurting people in the world, right? There's a lot of people that are struggling with addiction. There's a lot of people struggling with family issues, just a whole host of problems that, you know, humanity faces, right? everybody is, nobody's exempt from it. I don't care who you are. don't care how much money you have. I don't care what your pedigree is.

your education is, we're all human, right? And we all have feelings, we all have questions, and so that's where I think that's the danger of cult in that they recognize those things and they provide an avenue of answers and they provide a false hope for people to hang on to. So what personal transformation occurred after breaking free from Love Has Won?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (30:32.236)
No doubt.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (30:38.261)
Yeah, you know was able to find authenticity which is the number one thing especially in an environment like that where authenticity is lacking into such an extreme amount. Finding my own authenticity was number one for me and having the courage to stand in that authenticity even if it meant I was standing alone against everybody I was surrounded by.

You know, having that courage, that knowledge that if I stood in my authenticity, I would be okay. That was worth all of the discomfort that would come from doing so. I learned a lot about listening to my own intuition.

and all of these things put me at odds with my surroundings. So there was that dynamic in play at all times, finding my intuition, learning to trust in myself, learning to...

tell the difference between amy carlson the person and mother god the persona so every day while i railed against this machine that had become mother god and the first contact ground crew team or what had become the cult known as love has won even though i was doing my best on a daily basis to dismantle that i found balance i found power i found love in being able to

I serve Amy Carlson, the human, person, like a queen because we were partners. We were in a relationship together. And despite the fact that I was...

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (32:26.901)
fighting against mother god every day i would still continue to serve amy the human being like a queen as far as being there for her you know she got drunk every night she was up till five six seven o'clock in the morning drinking herself into oblivion when everybody else went to sleep she couldn't walk straight i had to get up with her when she walked to the bathroom or when she went anywhere and have to hold her hips and guide her as she walked every night every day i would be up

all hours with her, almost like a caretaker. I would make her food, would get her drinks, serving her. And by doing so, I had learned the most important lesson, which was unconditional love. That behind...

this mother god persona and this person who you know the world is vilified and to an extent rightly so there is a broken human being inside that just was never loved in the way that they needed to be loved and if i didn't love her nobody else was going to that's how i saw it and i found a lot of strength

in that balance of being able to rail against Mother God on one hand and serve Amy on the other. And in that balance I found myself and I found that unconditional love that every human being on earth should have. And that's one of Jesus's teachings is that we're all worthy of love. And that's something that I put into practice and I take with me to this day.

James Moffitt (34:08.355)
That's awesome. So how does your journey inform parenting adult children facing adversity?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (34:16.427)
Wow, that's a great question. You know, there's a lot to that. The red flags can be subtle at first for parents. And the number one thing is always going to be communication. Never ever make your child feel

wrong, feel small, feel stupid, because then you begin driving that wedge.

and that is the last thing you want. You don't want that wedge there. You want your child to be able to come to you with anything. To feel free to speak their mind without judgment. You want them to be able to share their their wins and their losses without you having to say, well, I disagree or I think that's crazy or I think that's stupid. You want to be as a parent, be their safe space.

and by doing so you will make yourself irreplaceable. Your child will need you and love you and hold that space for you because nobody will love your child like you can.

as the parent and to deep down your children know that. And these cults will look to isolate the children from their parents, from their family. And by creating this connection with your child, you will protect both of you.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (35:58.988)
from the potential of being cut off. And even if you go a couple months without speaking, you'll still have that deeper connection.

You that sense of self, you you want to never blame shame or guilt again, you know, be a safe place for your children. That is, that is the number one most important thing that I can say is be a safe place for your children to share and to communicate and allow them this space to make mistakes. It's going to happen. Don't be surprised. Don't overreact. Allow them to make their mistakes.

Be honest with them about how you feel, but don't control because all that's going to do is cause them to push away. So that would be my advice and I promise it will be way more helpful than trying to exert your power over your children or over another individual.

James Moffitt (37:02.487)
Right. Well, family dynamics means that while the child, and we're talking adult children from ages of 18 to 30, right? So once a child turns 18, whether they're mentally developed enough to actually act and engage with sound judgment as an adult, a lot of that just comes with time.

living life, making mistakes, learning from your mistakes, making better plans, making better decisions. we, as parents forget that we transition right along with our kids. and even if your child's 38 years old, they're still going to be your child. still going to be your kid. You're still going to love them. But we, as parents have to transition into the role of a support person and a mentor. In other words, our being involved in every little thing in their lives is over.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (37:36.813)
Sure.

James Moffitt (37:58.583)
I mean, we've spent 18 years, hopefully teaching life skills, teaching the importance of this, that or another. Right. And so once they become adults, at that point, that role, we transitioned into a support role. We transitioned into the role, role of a mentor. And, and we have to allow the adult child to, like you said, make mistakes, let them make decisions, let them, let them learn from those mistakes. And what, what do parents want?

Every parent wants their child to have a better life than they had. Right. And we, as adults, we, we, and as parents, we want to share the stories of times that we screwed up. And why do we share those stories? To be authentic, to be transparent, to let the children know that you don't think you're perfect and that you've got all the answers. Like, Hey, this is, this is what I did when I was 18 or 19 or 20 or whatever. When I, you know, from the age of

18 to about 26, I was a raging dumpster fire. It's a, it's only by the grace of God I'm sitting here talking. Right. and so, so we have to allow our children to listen to those stories and only, and we can only hope that, that they will take that information and include it in their decision making process. Right. And, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, and all we can do is be there to help them pick up the pieces.

If they decide to go down the wrong road. So, so what insights do you have on promoting resilience and family settings?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (39:25.933)
Sure. Sure.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (39:34.882)
Wow, to promote resilience in a family setting. You know, I would go back really to what I said, you know, not to blame, not to shame, not to guilt people, allow other people the space to be human and make mistakes. That's how we learn. It's how we grow. Except.

the humanity, which is the imperfection that comes with all of us. It's inherent in all of us. And don't look for perfection. You're going to be disappointed. You're going to be upset. You're going to disagree. But what matters at the end of the day is that the love that you share is always more important.

than any disagreement. And you will find resiliency within that frame of just making love the most important thing and allowing

people this space to be human, whether you're the child or whether you're the parent, understand that we're all doing the best we can. And while we have differing opinions and we disagree, all of us, with some few exceptions, are doing the best that we can with what we have, regardless of whether or not we agree. And as far as resilience for family goes, as long as you allow

those things to take place and focus on your love. Focus on the teachings of Jesus Christ if you, if that's something that is important in your life. You know, and allow things to be. Life goes on. You know, I wouldn't say don't make mountains out of molehills, but you know, allow things to be, work through your issues. But at the end of the day, make sure that you can hug.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (41:41.526)
love your family members, eat a dinner and be happy with each other. Because what I learned from cancer, watching people who are just fighting for time, at the end of the day, none of these things are gonna matter. There's gonna come a point in your life when we have to say our last goodbyes. None of these things matter. What matters is the time that we had loving each other.

and the connection, the depth of it that we enjoyed. That's most important.

James Moffitt (42:14.809)
Right. So I just looked this stuff up. Some of the thing about resilience, it says resilience within the context of raising adult children is the ability of a parent to adapt, endure, and grow through the emotional, relational, and spiritual shifts that come with this evolving role. It's not just about bouncing back. It's about staying grounded in your values while navigating uncertainty, disappointment, and change.

And when I think of resilience, I think of the ability for a person when they get knocked down to not stay down, you know, there's going to be depending on the issue, depending on the problem, some things are harder to deal with than others. We're going to have moments of grief. We're going to have moments of stress. we will have moments where we're our identity is questioned, but at the end of the road or at the end of the day, you got to get back up. got to dust, dust yourself off, get back up and try again. Right.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (43:13.121)
No doubt.

James Moffitt (43:14.273)
So key dimensions of resilience in parenting adult children, emotional flexibility, the ability to manage your own feelings, grief, pride, frustration, while respecting your adult child's autonomy. It means not reacting out of fear or control, but responding with wisdom and grace. Boundary strength, resilient parents know when to step in and when to step back. They set healthy boundaries that protect their own wellbeing while allowing their children to make independent choices.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (43:32.353)
Yes.

James Moffitt (43:42.559)
even when those choices are hard to watch. Faith is a long game. Trusting that the seeds you've planted, values, love, guidance will bear fruit over time. Resilience means staying hopeful even when the relationship feels strained or distant. Adaptability without losing identity. As your role shifts from caretaker to counselor, resilience helps you redefine your purpose without losing your sense of self.

You're still a parent, but the job description has changed. Commitment to connection, even when communication falters or values clash, resilient parents pursue connection. They listen, learn, and love through the tension. Andrew's own story, marked by survival, awakening, and reclaiming truth, embodies resilience in a profound way. His journey reminds us that resilience isn't just about enduring hardship, it's about transforming through it.

So that's pretty good.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (44:42.305)
Yes, that is wonderful. Well said.

James Moffitt (44:44.845)
All right. So, yeah. So I want to give you just a couple of minutes. We're, we're talking to parents of adult children, in all walks of life, with, you know, going through whatever it is they're going through. what would you say to them?

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (45:04.301)
Like I said before, these things will pass. What won't, what lasts forever is the love, the connection that you have and trust in that. Again, allow...

everybody, not just your family members, but more specifically them, this space to be human, this space to make their mistakes. Stay on their side. Don't drive those wedges. Stay on their side. Allow them this space to be human. Love them despite their mistakes. Make sure they know that you love them and that you're there for them no matter what. Be that safe place for them and it will it will pay off for you a hundred

percent every time.

James Moffitt (45:53.955)
Thank you, Andrew. So today's conversation with Andrew Ryan reminded us that parenting isn't about control. It's about connection. As Andrew said, the goal isn't to raise perfect adults, it's to remain a trusted voice in their lives. We covered the ABCs, authenticity, being real, even when it's hard, boundaries, loving without overstepping, connection, staying rooted in relationship, not just responsibility.

If this episode sparked reflection or gave you tools for your own parenting journey, share it with someone walking a similar path. And if you're ready to go deeper, join the conversation and our Facebook group, our, private parenting, support group. think it's a facebook.com slash group slash tough love, tough love or tough love parents.

Let's see, we're parents of adult children gathered to support challenge and grow together until next time. Keep showing up with grace grit and a heart that listens. You can find more resources, past episodes and ways to connect with us at parentingadultchildren.org. That's parentingadultchildren.org. Follow us on Instagram at parentingadultchildren125. And if you have a story or question you'd like to share, send me an email at parentingadultchildrenatproton.me.

That's parenting adult children at proton.me. Thank you for the privilege of your time. And Andrea, thank you for being here and for sharing your, your stories with us.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci (47:27.329)
Now it has been an absolute pleasure.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for talking about my book, The War on Love. It's been great talking with you. And I would say to your audience, thank you very much for having me. I hope that you've enjoyed this. And if you do decide to read the book, I would say, remember, it's not just about cult, it's about reclaiming yourself and your sovereignty, your authenticity. And if you do read it, I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much.

James Moffitt (47:57.785)
Thank you, Andrew.